I had recently been in a difficult meeting. During the meeting my heart was hurt. Some days later my friends came to me, who were also at the meeting , to affirm their commitment to me, and to speak good things to me. We were driving in the car (and this lasted about 2 minutes). Well, those two minutes were very difficult for me. I was in my heart, saying move on to the next person, don't focus on me, what do I do, how can I get away....While this may sound weird I realized that I would have been more comfortable with correction, than edifying. Why? That was my question to the Father. I came to realize that although I thought I had dealt with my issues of being able to receive from people, (my orphan issues from my woundings) I was not at home in love. I came to realize that to receive criticism was more the norm for my life. To hear good things was a rarity. So I had closed off my heart to receiving, mainly because everything came at a price, so it was better to do myself, than to have the perpetual string attached that was pulled later at a convenient time. So I invite the Father in to that unhealed area. He is faithful. I also realize that much like the older brother in the prodigal father story, I too am not at "home" in love, or my Father's house. So this week has been a week of allowing pent up emotion to start to surface, my poor family, there will be much repenting this week!! I have been on the verge of anger or tears, wow, the Father is starting to break through. So I welcome the rain. I welcome the flood that tears down all structures. "Let it Rain!" "Because it is living water I desire" "Can't you hear my heart it is crying....Rain Down!!!"
I am learning to be a daughter. I have been working my whole life for words of affirmation and hopefully approval....They do not come.....So I give up, because it is not about what I do, but about who I am...Who He says I am.....And I am His Beloved.
