"What you focus on you give power to" so what is your focus on?
Often I am tempted to focus on my problems. But to focus on the problem is to take my eyes off of the solution. Circumstances are big! The goal is to intimidate and remove my eyes from Christ. Because He is bigger than any problem, He can fix any Circumstance, He says to not worry, He is my strength and my delight. To focus on my problems removes my focus from Christ. When I remove or refocus to the problem, it actually becomes bigger than Him. I cease to see Him. So the question becomes....Where is my focus to be? On how big my enemy is or on how BIG my God is. Yes as many would say, we need to know we have an enemy. But I am tired of giving the enemy so much credit. Yes the enemy is real, and dangerous, but we go with someone BIGGER. For me I can't focus on the negative, the enemy or the circumstance. I can only focus on Him and wait for Him to show up. because He says "nevertheless, I AM WITH YOU!"
My Amazing Husband...and My beautiful Daughter
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
The unknown is scary...but if you step out in faith and trust To do what HE is calling you to do, it is amazing how everything becomes clear and opens up. When doors close it is becasue HE is opening new ones...(this is a season of Open doors)
It has been a crazy season. And sometimes you only understand words He has spoken after you are in the middle of it or almost through it.
It is truely a season of doors shutting and new ones opening. I am amazed to see. That when you give all to stand...He takes care of everything. I can only do what He ask, and nothing else. While my life has had some crazy turns I am still on the straight path. I may stumble and trip,but I am falling forward.
While I am not best pleased with the trials I have faced. I would not change anything because it has brought me here.
I am loving the journey and I hang onto His promises!!!!
It has been a crazy season. And sometimes you only understand words He has spoken after you are in the middle of it or almost through it.
It is truely a season of doors shutting and new ones opening. I am amazed to see. That when you give all to stand...He takes care of everything. I can only do what He ask, and nothing else. While my life has had some crazy turns I am still on the straight path. I may stumble and trip,but I am falling forward.
While I am not best pleased with the trials I have faced. I would not change anything because it has brought me here.
I am loving the journey and I hang onto His promises!!!!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
My personal study:
I am going to share some of my short musings as I travel through some personal assortments:
I am using the book "Secret Sayings Hidden Meanings" by Graham Cooke
My thoughts:
Truthfully I am changeable on so many levels. For years I was consistent, but I had no feelings. I devalued myself so much, that I had no right to "feel". Everyone was before me. While this may have the resemblance of "Christ likeness" It was not. It was out of wounding, and a mode of self preservation. Now I "feel" for the first time...I have to learn how to let HIM change me to be like Him, and not dead. Before it was a not present state of being...now I am learning to walk, to let Him be my strength...so yes I am still changeable, unconsistent, and I do want t treat others as they treat me, and yes sometimes judgemental. As the hard outer shell of deadness cracks off and falls away, I am left with raw emotion that He now has to change to be like Him.
The change would be to let Him Change me..."practice" with those around me. The Christ likeness will be real this time as I learn to value myself and let Him show up. To take on His Characteristics not the hard outer shell of self preservation that may "Look" like Christ likeness, but did not have the Heart of Christ.
I am using the book "Secret Sayings Hidden Meanings" by Graham Cooke
"Every situation, good or bad, makes a withdrawal on our identity. We demonstrate our Christ likeness or our carnality. There is no one else to blame for this since we are in charge of who we are and how we show up.
It is not what other people say or do to us that defines our life...it is our response. Jesus is the same towards us, yesterday, today and forever. His love for us is unchanging. He certainly does not love us according to our performance, maturity or immaturity.
Whether we do well or badly He is consistent in His heart toward us. He has a series of internal values that allow Him to be consistent."
In what way are you inconsistent? Do you give like for like...good and bad? Are you changeable, judgmental, treat people as they treat you? "
My thoughts:
Truthfully I am changeable on so many levels. For years I was consistent, but I had no feelings. I devalued myself so much, that I had no right to "feel". Everyone was before me. While this may have the resemblance of "Christ likeness" It was not. It was out of wounding, and a mode of self preservation. Now I "feel" for the first time...I have to learn how to let HIM change me to be like Him, and not dead. Before it was a not present state of being...now I am learning to walk, to let Him be my strength...so yes I am still changeable, unconsistent, and I do want t treat others as they treat me, and yes sometimes judgemental. As the hard outer shell of deadness cracks off and falls away, I am left with raw emotion that He now has to change to be like Him.
The change would be to let Him Change me..."practice" with those around me. The Christ likeness will be real this time as I learn to value myself and let Him show up. To take on His Characteristics not the hard outer shell of self preservation that may "Look" like Christ likeness, but did not have the Heart of Christ.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
My Declaration
As I looked back and started to write, The father stopped me.
"I have apprehended but ONE thing Forgetting ALL that lies behind and pressing onward toward the goal in Christ Jesus"
My testimony is not about what I have been through but who HE is (present, past and Future)
So here is who He has been for me these past 7 years
He has been my shelter in time of need, my provider in times of trouble. He has been my advocate and defender. He has been my lover and my husband, he is my strength in times of trouble and time of laughter. He has been my restorer.
He has held my head as I have cried and carried me when no one could. He has laughed with me and mourned with me. He is the only reason I still stand. He is my Father and I am His Daughter. He has been my teacher and my corrector. He is my reason for getting up in the morning. He is the only reason I have gone on.
He has danced with me in the rain and the sunshine. He has stayed up with me all night. He has comforted me in my dispare and restored my life and strength.
HE has taught me about His grace, His redemption, His love, His passion, His kingdom, His power, His greatness, His goodness and His Kindness.
He has taught me what it is to love like him. He has taught me how to love through the deepest hurts,
He has and continues to teach me who I am in Him. He has taught me to love those things about myself that are unique to me.
he has opened my eyes and my heart to his nature and goodness, and Grace.
He calls me His, Daughter, and The Apple of His Eye, Eowyn,
He has used everything, both good and bad, to reveal himself more and more to me. He is mine and I am His.
He is my great joy, my sustainer. He my protector.
He is good all the time.
He loves me.
He loves for me to ask him questions.
He delights in my heart to know and understand Him.
He loves that I make mistakes, and wishes I would make more.
He picks me up and laughs with me and lets me try again.
He is not threatened when I persistently ask questions until I get an answer, he loves my pursuit of Him., and my desire to understand His truth. He wishes I would do it more.
He loves my inquisitiveness and patiently tells me all, maybe not when I want him to, but he does.
He loves when I jump without thinking, and catches me when I am a bit head strong.
He lifts me up and smiles.
He loves that I am falling towards him, and wishes that I would take bigger chances.
He has always got me covered, even when I am running from Him.
He has been there when I have rejected him, and threatened to run away, He knows I never get further than the mailbox !
He is my King, my Father, My one and only.
He is the spirit that burns inside me.
He is my passion, and my reason for being.
He IS!
This is a start for me and I plan to keep going!
So as I looked back THIS time it is not with what has been: but Who HE has been for me.
"I have apprehended but ONE thing Forgetting ALL that lies behind and pressing onward toward the goal in Christ Jesus"
My testimony is not about what I have been through but who HE is (present, past and Future)
So here is who He has been for me these past 7 years
He has been my shelter in time of need, my provider in times of trouble. He has been my advocate and defender. He has been my lover and my husband, he is my strength in times of trouble and time of laughter. He has been my restorer.
He has held my head as I have cried and carried me when no one could. He has laughed with me and mourned with me. He is the only reason I still stand. He is my Father and I am His Daughter. He has been my teacher and my corrector. He is my reason for getting up in the morning. He is the only reason I have gone on.
He has danced with me in the rain and the sunshine. He has stayed up with me all night. He has comforted me in my dispare and restored my life and strength.
HE has taught me about His grace, His redemption, His love, His passion, His kingdom, His power, His greatness, His goodness and His Kindness.
He has taught me what it is to love like him. He has taught me how to love through the deepest hurts,
He has and continues to teach me who I am in Him. He has taught me to love those things about myself that are unique to me.
he has opened my eyes and my heart to his nature and goodness, and Grace.
He calls me His, Daughter, and The Apple of His Eye, Eowyn,
He has used everything, both good and bad, to reveal himself more and more to me. He is mine and I am His.
He is my great joy, my sustainer. He my protector.
He is good all the time.
He loves me.
He loves for me to ask him questions.
He delights in my heart to know and understand Him.
He loves that I make mistakes, and wishes I would make more.
He picks me up and laughs with me and lets me try again.
He is not threatened when I persistently ask questions until I get an answer, he loves my pursuit of Him., and my desire to understand His truth. He wishes I would do it more.
He loves my inquisitiveness and patiently tells me all, maybe not when I want him to, but he does.
He loves when I jump without thinking, and catches me when I am a bit head strong.
He lifts me up and smiles.
He loves that I am falling towards him, and wishes that I would take bigger chances.
He has always got me covered, even when I am running from Him.
He has been there when I have rejected him, and threatened to run away, He knows I never get further than the mailbox !
He is my King, my Father, My one and only.
He is the spirit that burns inside me.
He is my passion, and my reason for being.
He IS!
This is a start for me and I plan to keep going!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
It happened again....Father is so funny!
To say I am surprised...would be ....well a lie...It seems to happen more and more.
I saw "him" again, a different "him" but all the same. Right?!
I was on a job again. As I stepped out of my car, there he was. He was in a wheelchair this time. He looked to be paralyzed from the waist down. My first thought. I should pray. But again I walked by, because of course he was talking to some one, and Who am I? I proceeded to complete my job, and as I was getting my coffee, I see him.
"Can you hand me one of those black coffee lids?" he says.
"Sure"
"Can I put it on the cup for you?"
"Can you put 5 sugars in it?"
We continued this conversation for about 4 minutes as I prepared his latte for him and put it in a tray and sat it on his lap. I blessed him to have a good day, but could not get any more words out.
Again, interaction happened, yet I was the one paralysed. Paralysed by my own unbelief, unbelief in what? That things could actually be different? that God would show up? It is more than a fear of praying or mentioning Jesus' name. I can do that no problem. It is more the Americanizing of my thought life, of "there is just bad things in the world"
I am reminded of an old quote.
Evil prevails when Good men/women do Nothing.
What if the "bad" things, or things that we see "as just the way they are" are all because Good does not prevail.
Graham Cooke once said. They we should be know for our goodness; We are ambassadors of Christ. My "job" is to be His ambassador. I should be known for my radical goodness, kindness, and outlandish generosity.
How do I dare to believe that Cancer is just not the way things are? How do I believe that we just get sick when we get old? Don't get me wrong, I believe there is a natural end to our life here. But what if it is meant to be a "good" passing. Like Moses. Who was at his full health and eye site.
In a day and age where I am saddled with things that take my money uselessly like health insurance, (insurance from what? I thought I had heavenly insurance?) If I am to live without insurance, I better believe in the supernatural power of the Father to heal ALL disease, not just the "easy" ones.
So again how do I start to believe? With each day I get a little closer. Most days as you see I fail miserably. I can't get by the social interaction of life. But I know HE is faithful and will keep sending them, and each time I will get better. I just keep asking the question, "What stopped me?" and "Okay Father, you've got to change that one"
I know the Father has me on this journey.
Do I dare soar? I think I take my chances.
Because If I want to see things I have never seen before, I have got to DO things I've never done before.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
As I open my heart I am overwhelmed.
So as most of you know my husband and I started our own business a little over three years ago. We were just becoming fluid when the recession hit. God has graciously supplied our Manna each week and is teaching us how to daily and weekly depend upon Him. Anyway most of that is a story for another day.
Through these last 2 years, we have committed to continue giving and even give more. One of the ways we love to give is to have money in our pocket to give away. Once we decided to do this we would surprisingly not see anyone on the street. As we give the money we want to also bless the person. We also want to see people healed. Now this has been a little more of a stretch for me as you will see.
I have been working non stop making money when ever and where ever I can. This brings me to my story. I was in between jobs and stopped into the down town Rite Aid on the corner of Broad and Boulevard. I noticed Him as I entered and thought "I want to see him healed" You see he walked with a limp, because his right foot was at a 90 degree angle. My heart broke, yet I could not muster the faith to pray. As I walked around the store to get what I needed. He walked by and greeted me. I smiled and said "Hello". As I walked by I scolded myself, "how hard would it have been to pray" "What if God moved?" I started walking around the store again and we met again. He asked for a few quarters because he was a little short. We are strapped I am digging quarters out of the couch for myself. But I reached into my purse and gave him a dollar. As he left I again had a argument between The Father and Me.
I caught him as he started to exit the door, And gave him the last $5 in my purse. Then I put my items back and walked out the door. I was excited as I exited, but my heart was broken.
I wish I could sit on the street corner and give $5 away to everyone in need. I wish I had prayed for him.
I have found as I start to open my heart up to have compassion for others, I am overwhelmed. There is so much need.
I need a greater experience of faith. I don't chastise myself but I do ask the hard questions. Such as what prevented me from praying?
I love this journey...I love where God is taking me.....
My Daughter had a similar experience as we walked down Cary Street to go to the $2 movies. She gave her money away and had none left for popcorn. As we entered the theatre I found her crying and said "honey you did not have to give it away, if you did not want to" To which she replied. "I can't stand to see so many people in need!"
Through these last 2 years, we have committed to continue giving and even give more. One of the ways we love to give is to have money in our pocket to give away. Once we decided to do this we would surprisingly not see anyone on the street. As we give the money we want to also bless the person. We also want to see people healed. Now this has been a little more of a stretch for me as you will see.
I have been working non stop making money when ever and where ever I can. This brings me to my story. I was in between jobs and stopped into the down town Rite Aid on the corner of Broad and Boulevard. I noticed Him as I entered and thought "I want to see him healed" You see he walked with a limp, because his right foot was at a 90 degree angle. My heart broke, yet I could not muster the faith to pray. As I walked around the store to get what I needed. He walked by and greeted me. I smiled and said "Hello". As I walked by I scolded myself, "how hard would it have been to pray" "What if God moved?" I started walking around the store again and we met again. He asked for a few quarters because he was a little short. We are strapped I am digging quarters out of the couch for myself. But I reached into my purse and gave him a dollar. As he left I again had a argument between The Father and Me.
I caught him as he started to exit the door, And gave him the last $5 in my purse. Then I put my items back and walked out the door. I was excited as I exited, but my heart was broken.
I wish I could sit on the street corner and give $5 away to everyone in need. I wish I had prayed for him.
I have found as I start to open my heart up to have compassion for others, I am overwhelmed. There is so much need.
I need a greater experience of faith. I don't chastise myself but I do ask the hard questions. Such as what prevented me from praying?
I love this journey...I love where God is taking me.....
My Daughter had a similar experience as we walked down Cary Street to go to the $2 movies. She gave her money away and had none left for popcorn. As we entered the theatre I found her crying and said "honey you did not have to give it away, if you did not want to" To which she replied. "I can't stand to see so many people in need!"
Saturday, January 23, 2010
so I am amazed at peoples ability to blog...Me I find no time. However, as many of my friends seem to be on here...
I have had the most difficult time trying to figure out the schematics of this thing...How the crap do you post pictures..
Oh that button at the top that said "add picture" . It would help if I read directions.
But for those that know me ... yeah right!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Alternative Medicine...God designed the body to heal itself.
I LOVE my Chiropractor. I have never felt so healthy as I have since I started going to him. But each time I have to laugh. I know it all works and that everything is connected. But I still am laughing each time I leave.
Last week when I went in, I mentioned that I get terrible ear aches in my right ear when I run outdoors. I can run on the treadmill inside and do not have this happen. I have tried earmuffs, hats, etc all to no avail. The ear aches I get are so bad that I double over in pain. I also experienced this in the same ear when I flew to FL last week.
So in preparation for the monument 10K I am going to be running, I figured I had nothing to lose to have him check it out.
The funny part, The first place he adjust is the bottoms of my feet. I started laughing and said Dr. J, I find it amusing that I mention my ear and you start at my feet. While I know it helps I still find it comical. Needless to say he did not stop there. He biofreezed my jaw and started "clicking" my jaw. All he said was "remember you asked for this". Again I walked out a little sore but have never felt better.
My Chiropractor, preventive medicine and my health care reform, in addition to no sugar, wheat, pork and very limited dairy. :)
Last week when I went in, I mentioned that I get terrible ear aches in my right ear when I run outdoors. I can run on the treadmill inside and do not have this happen. I have tried earmuffs, hats, etc all to no avail. The ear aches I get are so bad that I double over in pain. I also experienced this in the same ear when I flew to FL last week.
So in preparation for the monument 10K I am going to be running, I figured I had nothing to lose to have him check it out.
The funny part, The first place he adjust is the bottoms of my feet. I started laughing and said Dr. J, I find it amusing that I mention my ear and you start at my feet. While I know it helps I still find it comical. Needless to say he did not stop there. He biofreezed my jaw and started "clicking" my jaw. All he said was "remember you asked for this". Again I walked out a little sore but have never felt better.
My Chiropractor, preventive medicine and my health care reform, in addition to no sugar, wheat, pork and very limited dairy. :)
Funny
As you all can see I am never on here. It is much easier to create quick post on facebook to let everyone know what is going on and where I am. No need to worry about run on sentences, poor spelling or correct grammar. Call me lazy but after working all day, proper grammar is the last thing on my mind.
To update the best is to say our life has been a whirlwind. It has been great but, well to say the least crazy. The holidays found us opening our family presents for Hanukkah, well at least the big ones, then heading up to York, PA to see Chris' family, and heading back home the next day. Then we had the rest of our Christmas at 7 PM Christmas day when we arrived home. Then 2 days later we were heading to Harrisonburg to see my family. Then back at work that Monday. The following Monday found The kids and I flying to Orlando FL for 8 days while Abigail competed at AMTC.
AMTC, Actors, Models, and Talent for Christ. What an adventure. It was a tiring trip which included getting to bed after midnight each night and up by 6 am for meetings and competitions. Abigail did great. I was exhausted and trying to keep everything moving. In a nutshell Abigail got to meet over 18 casting directors, agents, and managers. We got to drop off head shots and comp cards. Now we take the information we learned and work our local market and wait, wait wait.
Upon return home, I am slammed with the business books, taxes, and a messy house.
That is the update from Christmas to now.
Nothing witty, cute or whimsical...just fun everyday life.
To update the best is to say our life has been a whirlwind. It has been great but, well to say the least crazy. The holidays found us opening our family presents for Hanukkah, well at least the big ones, then heading up to York, PA to see Chris' family, and heading back home the next day. Then we had the rest of our Christmas at 7 PM Christmas day when we arrived home. Then 2 days later we were heading to Harrisonburg to see my family. Then back at work that Monday. The following Monday found The kids and I flying to Orlando FL for 8 days while Abigail competed at AMTC.
AMTC, Actors, Models, and Talent for Christ. What an adventure. It was a tiring trip which included getting to bed after midnight each night and up by 6 am for meetings and competitions. Abigail did great. I was exhausted and trying to keep everything moving. In a nutshell Abigail got to meet over 18 casting directors, agents, and managers. We got to drop off head shots and comp cards. Now we take the information we learned and work our local market and wait, wait wait.
Upon return home, I am slammed with the business books, taxes, and a messy house.
That is the update from Christmas to now.
Nothing witty, cute or whimsical...just fun everyday life.
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